Ages of Tevintar, Chantry, the Dalish, and the Eladrin

22 Feb

From the journal of Loreli Crestfall:
I learned that Father died recently. Vince and I came across his adventuring group and they relayed the deatils. Their cleric is kinda a dick. He made Vince cry though so I guess I like him. Not sure why exactly, but I decided to join them while they finished whatever it was that they were doing. They had another girl in the group, but I get the impression that she scares them, so I’ve gotten the title of the group female. We are of course lovers now.
I learned quickly that they had a collective hard-on for cash (literally in the case of their mage) and decided to invade a human fort in pursuit of said shiny objects. We took their scouts by suprise and discovered a secret entrance, revealed to us via an incredibly detailed map on one of the fresh corpses.
We entered, and found ourselves near the commandant’s quarters. It was nighttime, so he was sleeping. I quietly slipped into bed next to him while everyone else got into position (no pun intended). He woke, and obviously quite confused as to why an elven girl was…fondling him. We assume he thought he was dreaming. I quickly slid my knife up to The General (and I’m not talking about the commandant), so he realised quickly that silence was a virtue.
We forced him to call the sqauds of men to prepare for inspection and then enter his chambers one squad at a time. Misty dropped down from the rafters and damn near exploded the first men. Of course, her ass looked especially great covered in fresh blood. A minor battle ensued, aided by the sqauds confusion over the commandant’s…yes… which was actually the hilt of my dagger. Twas an adequate disguise if I say so myself.
We then had Kippilo levitate several gallons of blood over the door for when the next squad showed up. At this moment even I had wood. The sheer confusion on the squads faces was delicious. After their inevitable date with death, the guards stopped coming for inspection. Maybe the man covered in blood falling off the wall and impaling himself on the spikes below spooked them. Panzies. The humans in all their intelligence (Their average score was INT6) decided to set fire to the building in an attempt to flush us out. Sound idea considering that the entirety of their settlement was made out of wood. Grumble bust down the door, and using it as an impromptu sheild, charged our new assailants. Various bits of fighting broke out as the fire spread. After defeating the gaurds, we attempted to stop the peasents from fleeing with all their delicious treasure. The men and women were slaughtered, and the children we pressed into slavery. Hansellex’s line of the day, “Lord spare the children from the flames! We can sell them as slaves!”. Appearently his god heard him. We rushed to put the fire out, and thus save the treasure. We succeeded, and proceeded to bash down the gate so we could escape with our newfound objects o’ happiness. After all that blood, fire, and misery, I find myself in need of satisfaction. MIsty had better be open tonight.
So, I lost my father, my brother is a panzie, and I got to rain down pain and destruction on many humans, completely ruining their lives. All in all a good day.


Hot Damn, I couldn’t of said it better myself

22 Feb

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